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February 18th, 2013

icicleinspring: (simoun)
Monday, February 18th, 2013 10:05 pm
I had my second interview with orange hardware store last Thursday and got offered the job. I went straight to the place that did the drug test, couldn't produce enough urine the first time, and had to sit there for and hour and a half before I could do it again. It was embarrassing, doubly so because I was on my period. I just felt awkward and miserable. Still haven't heard back from them. I feel like I should have already. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic, but I don't know. I haven't told current workplace anything, and I'm not going to until I know either way. I'm still miserable there. Nothing specific to complain about, just..I'm finding it hard to get out of bed on days I have to go in. It feels like it takes a Herculean effort to pretend I'm happy while serving customers and putting up with my managers and co-workers' collective bullshit. I'm finding it hard to be hopeful about potential new workplaces, either.

I'm afraid I'm depressed, but there are times when I'm fine, too. Then I wonder if I'm making something out of nothing. It's just harder to bounce back from negative things, be they little or small. The Cavalier is overheating. When the light first flickered on and off last week I put water in the radiator and thought it was taken care of. Today the light came back on and didn't go off even with water added. The car started running into the red (above 260..I think it's degrees) on the dash reader, and I bit my nails all the way home. Thankfully it got me back without blowing up, but it was hissing when I parked and steam was pouring out from under the hood. So now I have to beg my father to borrow the truck for Curtis to drive, so I can have the Taurus while the Cavalier goes to the shop. More money we don't have. Lovely.

People who say money doesn't buy happiness are wrong. Money would solve all my current problems. I wouldn't have to work at a place I hate. I could afford to pay my bills, fix my credit, get a house, and not drive a car that always seems to need fixing. I wouldn't have to feel bad about going out to eat instead of fixing something boring at home. I could afford nice things, and I could help out my friends when they were in a bind. I could do so many things I can't do now because I'm forever living paycheck to paycheck. It would be wonderful to know what it's like to not have to worry about things. Fuck the rich. Where's Robin Hood when you need that asshole? I'm done.